Cosmically Chic

Star Jones

The birthday girl for March 24 is Star Jones.

Jones is one of two former hosts that abandoned the daytime TV show “The View” because they couldn’t get along with the other co-hosts.  The other is Jones’ fellow Aries, Rosie O’Donnell.

I make a lot of jokes on this blog about how poorly I get along with many Aries individuals.  I have a Capricorn sun, a Cancer moon and a Libra ascendant.  That combination of cardinality makes me the antithesis to the typical Aries native.   Not surprisingly, the head honchos at “The View” are a Libra and a Cancer: respectively, Barbara Walters and Bill Geddie.

People born under cardinal signs don’t go out of their way to dislike each other, although it can be difficult for them to find fault in themselves when things go wrong.  They implicitly believe that they’re following the right path even when they’re on the wrong path.  The problem with Aries natives is that they can rarely be corrected.  They take offense to the notion that there might be another way besides their own.  Both Jones and O’Donnell left “The View” because of their refusal to compromise when two other individuals born under equally strong-willed cardinal signs wouldn’t let them have their own way.

It’s a lesson to all of you born when the sun was in Aries.  You can’t win every battle, especially when you’re outnumbered.  So shut up and do your job before you no longer have a job.

Perry Ellis

The birthday boy for March 3 is Perry Ellis.

I often claim that many fashion designers create a line that speaks to the style of the sign that rules their solar fifth house.  Perry Ellis was known for his classic, all-American sportswear.  That vibe gels well with his Pisces sun sign because Cancer is the sign on the cusp of his fifth house.

In today’s terms, Ellis’ work would be akin to a label like St. John.  It would have nothing to do with the monstrous output of former head designer Marc Jacobs that threw the label into bankruptcy in 1992.  That was a pure, impulsive ego trip at the hands of an immature Aries native.  His work at Perry Ellis still gives me nightmares to this day.  Actually, his work at his own label gives me nightmares, too, but that’s a story for another post.

Isla Fisher

The birthday girl for February 3 is Isla Fisher.

I just read that Fisher is going to play the role of Myrtle Wilson in Baz Luhrmann’s remake of “The Great Gatsby.”  The role was played very memorably by Cancer native Karen Black in the 1974 film version of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic novel.  In fact, she won a Golden Globe for her performance.

Now I always hate Baz Luhrmann movies, anyway, so I don’t expect to like this one, but I also have to wonder about the casting.  Can an Aquarius play a role that a Cancer played to perfection?  I guess I’ll have to wait and see, but I’m not feeling particularly optimistic . . .

Karina Smirnoff

The birthday girl for January 2 is Karina Smirnoff.

I was far more excited for Karina Smirnoff than I was for her partner when she won this past season of “Dancing with the Stars.”  My favorite two professional dancers on the show both happen to be Capricorns: Karina and Maksim Chmerkovskiy.  Carrie Ann Inaba is also a Capricorn.

I also get along very well with Taurus natives, and there are plenty of those on DWTS, too.  Tom Bergeron, Len Goodman, Cheryl Burke and Edyta Śliwińska share that sign.  The other people I like the most on the show are either born under the sign of  Cancer (Louis van Amstel and Dmitry Chaplin), Virgo (Brooke Burke Charvet) or Scorpio (Bruno Tonioli).

Just like in real life, I’ve found myself unintentionally rallying around the earth signs and the water signs on this show.  I guess I can’t fight it — the universe made me this way!

Gretchen Mol

The birthday girl for November 8 is Gretchen Mol.

Mol played the title role in the film “The Notorious Bettie Page.”  While Bettie Page herself never really represented the signature style of her Taurus sun sign, her public persona genuinely reflected the tremendous influence of a grand trine in the water signs of her natal chart.  Whenever I discuss the fetishistic aesthetic that made Page into a style icon, I’m usually discussing the water signs: Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.  I will occasionally give a nod to Capricorn, too, because Capricorn individuals are able to incorporate fetish-wear into their wardrobes in a tongue-in-cheek manner that can instantly take a garment from fetish to fashion.

But mostly I associate the quality of restraint with two signs: Cancer and Scorpio.  For that reason, it’s no surprise to me that a Scorpio like Mol had the shining moment of her onscreen career so far playing a character that I assumed was a Scorpio.  What’s funny is that Mol’s own natal chart has almost none of the qualities represented that would make me believe that she was a shoe-in for the part, except for her Scorpio sun.  Yet the strength of her natal sun is enough to give me a Scorpio vibe when I look at her.

You just never know, do you?

Stephen King

I had never looked up the birthday of author Stephen King until just a minute ago.  I was already surprised to discover that today’s birthday boy is a Virgo because I find his work to be a little too wordy, but I was even more surprised to discover that he has Mercury in Libra and a Cancer rising sign.  However, his Cancer rising is at 29°52″.  An inaccurate recording of his birthtime (an estimate) could mean that his rising sign is Leo.  That would make so much more sense to me because he obviously takes a quantity-over-quality approach to his work.

I believe that King is one of the greatest storytellers of our time.  It’s just the way he gets to the story that drives me crazy.  I’d expect that from someone with a Leo rising.  Why say one word when you can say a hundred?

Cathy Horyn

Today’s birthday girl is fashion writer Cathy Horyn.

I find it interesting that the fashion critic most often attacked for being too critical of fashion is a Virgo.  I guess no one else reads astrology books.  That’s their schtick!  If she was an Aries she’d be delivering juvenile diatribes like Lady Gaga.  And if she was a Cancer, she’d be a crabby old jerk like Giorgio Armani.  And if she was a Capricorn she’d be writing a blog telling other people what to do . . .

Richard Gere

Today’s birthday boy is Richard Gere.

I remember first becoming acquainted with the work of Cancer designer Giorgio Armani when “American Gigolo” became a hit in 1980.  It was about the same time that I began to take an interest in fashion.  I didn’t really understand how Armani was changing the way clothing was designed, but I did know he was doing things differently than the designers before him.

Take this jacket worn by Gere, for example.  The lack of internal structure gave the garment a slouchy appearance quite unlike the previous decade’s double-knit polyester jackets.  Paired with the loose trousers, it was the look that was going to inspire a whole new era of fashion.

Nevertheless, the concept of this look represents the Virgo aesthetic far more than the Cancer style.  In the years following Armani’s big breakthrough, his classic tailoring became his hallmark rather than his occasional jaunts into conceptual fashion.  Tom Cruise, his fellow Cancer, became the celebrity normally associated with the label.

So I’m going to give some credit here to Gere.  I wonder if the look would have become such a phenomenon on the back of a different actor?  I don’t think so.

Joan Allen

The birthday girl for August 20 is actress Joan Allen.

I don’t get much of a Leo vibe from Joan Allen.  She just seems too cool to be born under such a fiery sign.  In fact, the only time that she’s ever reminded me of a Leo was when she wore this sparkly dress designed by her fellow Leo, Michael Kors.

I looked at her natal chart to see if her sun was poorly placed or if other planetary factors overwhelmed her chart.  I saw exactly what I expected to see.  Her moon opposes her sun, her ascendant is in Cancer, and Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn all inhabit earth or water signs.

I was right: she’s not much of a Leo!

Elizabeth Berkley

Today’s birthday girl is actress Elizabeth Berkley.

While looking at the bio of Berkley, I was reminded that the actress won the 1995 Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Actress in a Motion Picture for her role in “Showgirls.”  Serendipitously, I also discovered that in thirty-one years of giving out the awards, the Razzie has been awarded to a Leo actress ten times.  That statistic becomes even more alarming when it’s noted that in the two years that the Worst Actress Razzie was awarded to an ensemble cast (The Spice Girls for “Spice World“; the cast of “Sex and the City 2“) each group included a Leo (Geri Halliwell and Kim Cattrall, respectively).

To put these stats into perspective, I’ve compiled a list of Razzie winners according to their zodiac signs, not including the aforementioned years when an ensemble cast won the award and including two actresses that tied for the 2002 awards (thirty awards in total):

Aries: Mariah Carey.

Taurus: Pia Zadora (two awards).

Gemini: Brooke Shields.

Cancer: Lindsay Lohan.

Leo: Madonna (five awards); Melanie Griffith; Elizabeth Berkley; Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry; Sandra Bullock.

Virgo: None.

Libra: Heather Locklear.

Scorpio: Bo Derek (three awards); Sean Young; Demi Moore (two awards); Jenny McCarthy.

Sagittarius: Britney Spears.

Capricorn: Heather Donahue.

Aquarius: Linda Blair; Paris Hilton.

Pisces: Liza Minelli; Sharon Stone (two awards).

So what does all this mean?  It undoubtedly means that Leos make the worst actresses, followed by Scorpios.  Virgos no doubt make the best actresses.  I’d better let Virgo superstar Beyoncé know about this so that she can do us all a favor and stop making awful records while she concentrates on her promising acting career instead.  My sixth sense tells me that there are many, many awards in her future . . .