Cosmically Chic

Lance Bass

The birthday boy for May 4 is Lance Bass.

So I just composed a post where I questioned the seemingly disproportionate number of Taurus natives involved with “Dancing with the Stars.”  A moment later I was on Wikipedia to look up celebrity birthdays, and the first familiar name I came across was that of Lance Bass.

Not only was Bass a fan favorite on the show, he’s also a likely returnee for the “All-Stars” season that was just announced to the media yesterday.  Maybe they should just have a “Taurus-and-Capricorn-Only” season instead and save themselves some time figuring out who to cast on the show.  I know that I’d watch it!

Cheryl Burke

The birthday girl for May 3 is Cheryl Burke.

Last week on “Dancing with the Stars,” I thought it was interesting that Melissa Gilbert got the boot on her birthday because it occurred to me that Cheryl Burke and Tom Bergeron also celebrated their birthdays the previous week.  It made me wonder how many other Taurus natives were involved with the show.

Today I realized that Derek Hough is also a Taurus.  Then I remembered that Len Goodman is a Taurus, too.  While I still haven’t looked into the birthdays of the rest of the cast, it’s something I’m going to have to get around to doing.  I know that there are plenty of Capricorns involved with the show, too.  It’s weird!  It’s even weirder how much this Capricorn likes the show!  It’s my dream in life to get famous enough to be cast on DWTS.  I wish that I could see that in my stars!

Lauren Weisberger

The birthday girl for March 28 is Lauren Weisberger.

I’m not a fan of “The Devil Wears Prada.”  To me, both the novel and the film it inspired had the delicacy of a marching band’s rendition of “My Heart Will Go On.”  It’s no surprise, then, for me to discover that the author of the book is an Aries.

Aries natives are not known for their delicacy.  Weisberger’s thinly-veiled attempt at satire came off as an arrogant slap in the face to Anna Wintour, “Vogue“ and Condé Nast.  As someone who was also a contract employee of the company, I have nothing against Wintour and the magazines that she spearheads.  I was let go from “Teen Vogue” for fighting with my online editor.  Like a mature Capricorn, I admitted then that I wasn’t the right person for the job and I moved on.

Now I could have turned my experience into a poison-pen memoir, but I would rather turn it into a movie about the world of fashion that doesn’t have the moral complexity of an “Afterschool Special.”  Fashion movies have been remarkably horrible for decades.  I don’t even know if I’ve seen a good one since “Funny Face.”

I’d like to see a movie like “Network” tear the fashion business a new one; I suppose that’s the Capricorn in me.  My motivation for satirizing the industry would be the fact that it’s an ideal target for satire.  Unlike an Aries, I wouldn’t seek retribution for the experience I had within the business.  I don’t need revenge.  Like a Capricorn, I need to be respected for my work, whatever that work might be.

Star Jones

The birthday girl for March 24 is Star Jones.

Jones is one of two former hosts that abandoned the daytime TV show “The View” because they couldn’t get along with the other co-hosts.  The other is Jones’ fellow Aries, Rosie O’Donnell.

I make a lot of jokes on this blog about how poorly I get along with many Aries individuals.  I have a Capricorn sun, a Cancer moon and a Libra ascendant.  That combination of cardinality makes me the antithesis to the typical Aries native.   Not surprisingly, the head honchos at “The View” are a Libra and a Cancer: respectively, Barbara Walters and Bill Geddie.

People born under cardinal signs don’t go out of their way to dislike each other, although it can be difficult for them to find fault in themselves when things go wrong.  They implicitly believe that they’re following the right path even when they’re on the wrong path.  The problem with Aries natives is that they can rarely be corrected.  They take offense to the notion that there might be another way besides their own.  Both Jones and O’Donnell left “The View” because of their refusal to compromise when two other individuals born under equally strong-willed cardinal signs wouldn’t let them have their own way.

It’s a lesson to all of you born when the sun was in Aries.  You can’t win every battle, especially when you’re outnumbered.  So shut up and do your job before you no longer have a job.

Coco

The birthday girl for March 17 is Coco.

I have to admit that I surprised myself when I realized that I like Coco.  Her reality show is hilarious because she’s one of the nicest people in show business.  How could anyone hate her?  She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.

Afterward, it didn’t surprise me to discover that she’s a Pisces.  I generally like Pisces natives more than anyone else in the zodiac.  On the surface, they don’t take themselves as seriously as a Capricorn like me, and I find that quality refreshing.  I find Coco refreshing.  In a world full of self-involved reality TV whores, she’s possibly the least self-involved.  She’s adorable!

Kathy Hilton

The birthday girl for March 13 is Kathy Hilton.

While I often point out that many Pisces individuals have succumbed to substance addictions, Hilton has apparently kept her nose clean.  It’s another story with her sister,  Kim Richards of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.“  On that show, Richards often points out that she’s a Virgo, claiming that her various neuroses have something to do with her zodiac sign.

Virgo individuals are neurotic; it’s the reason that they turn to drugs and alcohol.  They voice every possible scenario in their heads over and over until it consumes them and they can no longer function.  If Pisces natives abuse drugs and alcohol it’s usually to shut down voices in their heads other than their own.

I don’t know if Hilton has ever had any problems similar to her sister’s issues, but if she has, it doesn’t show.  She seems to be remarkably well-grounded for a Pisces native — even moreso than her earthy Capricorn sister, Kyle Richards.  Perhaps Hilton’s sun sign doesn’t make her want to assume control of every situation (like her sister Kyle does), and that quality endows her with a more easygoing nature.  I wish that Hilton was also on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” so that I could know for sure.  The three of them would make a great astrological case study.

Mike Rosenthal

The birthday boy for March 1 is Mike Rosenthal.

I have a thing for Pisces people.  They make me feel like I’m not such a Capricorn.  For that reason, it’s no surprise to me that my favorite recurring cast member on “America’s Next Top Model” is a Pisces.

I like Mike.  He’s funny, artistic, not too-serious and lacking in any of the self-importance that plagues the rest of the cast.  While I can think of a few self-important Pisces natives if I try, that doesn’t seem to be a quality that I would normally associate with the sign.  And yet when I’m around them, they make me feel important.  It’s strange.

Now I can’t wait until April when I’m meeting my Pisces friends in Las Vegas again.  On that note, I think I need a few more Pisces friends.

David Lynch

The birthday boy for January 20 is David Lynch.

“Mulholland Drive” is one of my favorite films.  I couldn’t get the movie off my mind after I saw it.  It kept going through my head like a dream that I was convinced had some sort of hidden meaning.  I’d go through it over and over again trying to figure it out, but instead of getting from Point A to Point B, I’d find myself back at Point A again.

I believe that was the point.  As a Capricorn, Lynch is naturally an adept timekeeper: he innately takes what he believes is the most efficient route to tell his story.  “Mulholland Drive” didn’t tell a story that could be related to its audience in a traditional sequence, but its director wasted no time in telling a story that has been told over and over again.  The idea that Hollywood is the city of broken dreams was all I needed to take away from the film, and for that reason I found it to be a remarkably satisfying filmgoing experience.

Janis Joplin

The birthday girl for January 19 is Janis Joplin.

I don’t believe that Janis Joplin’s sense of style was incidental.  In fact, I believe that it was self-consciously manufactured, like the style of Dolly Parton, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Elvis Presley, David Bowie, Patti Smith, etc.  When a Capricorn has the good fortune of making it big in show business, they often do it with a distinctly marketable persona which they continue to wear as long as it makes them money.

I believe it’s quite disingenuous for a Capricorn to claim that they are just “being themselves” when they dress in such a memorable manner.  When Janis Joplin wasn’t stoned out of her mind, she probably knew exactly what she was doing with her signature style.

Cary Grant

Today’s birthday boy is Cary Grant.

For the most part, I write fashion astrology for women.  Nevertheless, I have my own fashion idols.  At the top of the list is Cary Grant.  I’m honored that we’re in the same Capricorn club.

Do any of you have a fashion idol with whom you share your sun sign.  I’d love to know.  Leave me a note in the comments section.